One of Those Moms

after Sydney promising over and over that she would sleep in her own bed, we finally bought her a real “big girl” bed  - then i had to find bedding for it which is a whole ‘nother blog post – but i finally got it together and on Christmas Eve Eve, she finally slept in her room and Kelley finally reclaimed his rightful place in our bed

Christmas Eve, my sister came to spend the night and since i figured i’d be pulling an all-nighter, i figured she should sleep in Sydney’s room instead of the couch

m:  Husband, tonight you should sleep in our room with both kids so my sister can sleep in Sydney’s bed – and i’ll just crash wherever because i’ll probably be up all night

K:  i don’t think that’s gonna work?

m:  why not?

K:  what we should do is have your sister sleep in our bed with the kids and i’ll sleep in Sydney’s bed

m:  uhhh, no … why would my sister sleep with our kids if we’re here?

K:  because they only other alternative is for me and your sister to sleep in our bed and the kids to sleep in Sydney’s room

m:  i wish i had something to throw at you right now

clearly, my husband thinks he’s the next Chris Rock – he’s not.

wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a wonderfully blessed New Year!!

i have heard over and over again about how “complicated” women are and how “difficult” we are to understand – well you know what – whoever (and you know it was a man!) came up with that theory was WRONG!  you know who’s difficult to understand?  MEN!!!  how they’re able to ruin run nations but can’t come to basic conclusions without specific instructions is beyond me

we don’t watch tv in the morning – clarification: we don’t watch tv in the morning when we have somewhere to be – example:  school days,  dance class days, basically any day that we have to be somewhere before noon and at a specific time – once the tv is on, it’s just too hard to get them away from the tv and have i mentioned that we watch too much tv anyway?  but despite my rule (that the husband has been informed of several times), this morning when i jumped in the shower, Kelley put the kids in front of the tv anyway – so of course when it was time for me to get them dressed (because God forbid he use that 6 minutes i was in the shower to start getting the kids dressed or at least take Myles to the bathroom *sigh*), they were both enthralled in Word World or Word Guys or whatever that tv show about words is – the end result?  Sydney literally crying when i told her to get dressed for dance – with real tears – they were crocodile tears, but tears nonetheless – and of course Myles followed suit when i turned the tv off and then i had 2 crying children!

i had already laid out Sydney’s dance clothes on the bed and put Myles’ clothes in the bathroom and the plan was for her to get dressed while i changed Myles – but Little Miss CryBaby went into “i need help mode” – SO irritating – you’re almost 4 and you’ve been dressing yourself for nearly 2 years now – you do NOT need help!!!  meanwhile, Myles was still crying because i turned the tv off and he didn’t want to sit on the potty – i decided to give him a few minutes to calm down and headed into the kitchen to start my coffee – the next thing i know, Sydney is screaming like the world is ending – really?  already?  it’s only 9am!

i walked into her room and calmly asked what was wrong – “Myles is eating my m&ms” she yelled in the midst of tears – and in that moment, i went from 0 to Psycho Mom – “you know what?  i do NOT have time to deal with this!!”  i walked over to Myles and took the bowl of m&ms in one hand and scooped him up with the other – i looked at Sydney and said “and i don’t know why your daddy thought giving you m&ms first thing in the morning was a good idea anyway – GET DRESSED!!!” – i put the bowl in the kitchen and took Myles to the bathroom and that’s when Kelley popped in to tell everyone ‘bye’ –  thanks dude – create the chaos and then slink out quietly – did i mention he also got to go to the gym this morning?  hate.  i was SO irritated with him i didn’t even look at him because i knew i was gonna go batshitcrazy on him – instead, i stayed focused on Myles and muttered a “bye Husband” as he walked out the door

now, i will admit that just before i jumped in the shower, i yelled down the hall that he could give the kids breakfast – but i guess i should have been more specific because i was thinking more along the lines of waffles or a bowl of grapes – not the trail mix with m&ms (both plain and peanut) that i buy as a snack for HIM!!!  why?  WHY?  why would he think that i would be okay with Sydney eating m&ms for breakfast?  granted, there are also nuts and raisins in the trail mix, but come on!!  but this is also the man that pulled out popcorn to add to his dinner plate Monday night and then couldn’t understand why i looked at him crazy when Myles asked for popcorn – seriously?  then he looked at me and said, “what am i supposed to do?  eat it when they’re asleep?” uh … YEAH!!!  that’s what i do?  do you think that Blue Bell ice cream disappears during waking hours?  no.  i eat it in secret at midnight after the kids have gone to bed which is probably why i’ve gained 15 pounds this year!

over the weekend, i pulled something (i don’t remember what) out of the pantry and when i did, an open graham cracker package came crashing to the floor – not the box – just the wrapper – and one graham cracker and of course a ton of crumbs – instinctively, i grabbed the broom and was just about to sweep up the mess when it clicked in my head – WHY was there an open graham cracker wrapper on the top shelf of the pantry?  Kelley had just sat down to watch something or other but i called him into the kitchen anyway – i just stood there in the middle of the graham cracker crumbs, broom in hand, looking at him crazy while he went all “what???”

m:  uh, why would you put an open graham cracker wrapper with one graham cracker back in the pantry?

K:  how do you know it was me?

m:  because it was on the top shelf and our children are not that tall

K:  well how did it get on the floor?

m:  i was pulling something out of the pantry

K:  well that sounds like it was your fault

*resisting the urge to beat him with the broom*

m:  uh, no it’s not my fault – *i’m* not the one who put it in the way of all the other food

K:  well i was saving it for later

m:  really?  so you decided to save ONE graham cracker by leaving it in an open wrapper?well now that it’s been sitting up there for a week, it’s STALE!!!

K:  well then i guess you can throw it away

it’s a good thing i have a good sense of humor … and that he’s cute

it’s finally December – and when i say finally, i mean “holycrapits20daystilChristmasandihaventdoneanyshopping”! – well, that’s not entirely true – i managed to get a few things started this weekend which is ahead of my traditional “5 days before Christmas” shopping schedule

Saturday i got a chance to run some errands without children in tow and bought a Hello Kitty shirt and 2 pairs of jeans for Sydney – just what every 3 year old wants for Christmas, right?  fortunately for me, i could give Sydney a bunch of balloons and she’d be happy – much like her mother, she just likes “stuff” and doesn’t really care what it is – and while i highly doubt this phase of not asking for anything specific will last long, i’m going to take advantage while i can!

i’ve somehow slipped back into insomnia world and my internal body clock now has a set bedtime of 4am – seriously?  am i pregnant?  that would be no!  do i have to wake up in the middle of the night to nurse a crying baby – well, he doesn’t cry and he does periodically latch on for a quick fix, but that’s not really the point – the point is there is no rational reason why my body should be keeping me up until 4am – and you’d think if i was going to be up until all hours of the night, i’d be doing something productive – but no – i’m screwing around on the internet and thinking about all the things that i need to do – but not really doing any of them – i wonder if i have adult ADD … i digress.

last night i somehow stumbled onto Target’s website – i’ve probably mentioned how everyone i know considers Target to be the Holy Grail, though i still prefer Walmart – don’t get me wrong – i like Target – and i shop there occasionally (most recently this week when i bought a new lamp for my “not a bedside table” bedside table and a (very) late birthday present for the Husband – but it’s not my go to – yet, at 3am, i found myself browsing their site

this is Sydney’s favorite shoe

it’s a $13 shoe and it’s made for about $13 worth of use – but she loves it and they stop making it at size 11 (what?  tweens don’t dig the sparkle shoe?) so she’s just about to outgrow this line – i bought her a new pair at the beginning of the school year and it not ?  well, let’s just say they’re more “half sparkle” than “sparkle” these days – so what a great Christmas present those would be – right?  so great, that i’ll get her the silver AND the pink – Mom of the Year!   plus, there’s a banner on the home page that says 20% off of $75 purchase and another one for free shipping!  well if that’s the case, let me pick up some rain boots for the kids too – i spent the next 15 minutes scouring the rain boot selection, which was pretty picked over – i guess the good moms planned ahead and bought rain boots before the rainy season started – but not me!  i decided to buy rain boots until it’s been raining for 2 days!  i finally settled on some purple Missoni boots for Sydney and some Thomas the Train boots for Myles – i added up the total – $73.96 – are you joking me???  i was $1 freaking $.04 away from saving 20%?  what else could i buy?

i referred back to my Christmas present list to see what else i could add to my order – i’m getting both of the kids that Magna Doodle/Doodle Pro thing (so they’ll stop fighting over the 1 that we have now!) but Target doesn’t carry the one i want – and after a little internet research, it seems like that toy may be disappearing soon :/  at any rate, that was a failure so i moved on to a Wii game – i saw a commercial the other day for a Just Dance game that has a few songs from some of the Nick Jr shows – since i’d like to delay my daughter’s knowledge of dropping it like it’s hot as long as possible, i thought that might be a good one – another 5-10 minutes of research and Just Dance Kids 2 had been added to my cart

$103.95 minus 20% and free shipping sounded like a deal to me – i went through the entire check out process and was just about to complete my transaction when i realized that the 20% still hadn’t been subtracted – and there was still a shipping fee – i know i’m not crazy and i know i saw that promotion on the home page – i opened another browser so that i could go back to the home page without being signed in – guess what – the 20% off is only for a $75 purchase of clothing – and the free shipping is only on qualified items – none of which were in my virtual cart – 30 minutes wasted and a complete FAIL.

i decided to delete my cart and just for grins, head over to Amazon to see if they had the Magna Doodle/Doodle Pro thing – heck yeah they did – and the Wii game (for $5 cheaper) – not to mention the 3 Disney movies that i already had sitting in my cart – so guess who’s about 75% through with the kids’ Christmas!!  and to add a cherry on top, i woke up this morning with an email from Amazon saying that a couple of the items i ordered will be here sooner than they originally said – that, my friends, is WINNING!!!

in other Christmas news, we finally got the tree put up – fyi, gone are the days where we would spend a relaxing evening drinking wine, listening to Christmas music and trimming the tree – welcome to a frantic afternoon of me saying “no”, “wait” and “don’t touch that” as one child randomly unpacks every box in sight while the other tosses ornaments like they’re baseballs – 2 broken ornaments later … i could have sworn that box said shatterproof - i bought all new ornaments this year and it looks like i’ll be making another trip back to the store – i thought i’d purchased enough but when your kids are under 3 feet tall, it’s difficult to space the ornaments evenly – but at least the lights are spaced evenly – thank God for pre-lit trees!!

Day 2 – no shower

i shower in the morning – i think it stems from growing up with naturally curly hair that has to be wet to be styled correctly – so as long as i can remember, i’ve showered in the morning – and even on the rare occasions that i shower in the evening, i still have to get up and shower in the morning or i don’t feel clean – suffice it to say that now that i have kids, i rarely feel clean …

on “school” days, the plan is to wake up at 6am, listen to the show and write and somehow get a shower in before 7:30am when i wake Sydney – yeah, you wanna know how often THAT happens?  today, i woke up around 6:45am – Myles was (of course) nursing and he stayed there until about 7:10am – at that point, he decided to snuggle up next to Sydney which left me free to write on my laptop instead of on my phone (HOW did i function before my iPhone?) – Kidd was explaining how this whole Justin Beiber/Selena Gomez drama exploded (if you need the back story, you can read it here) so i planned to jump in the shower after that – only by the time i checked the clock again, it was 7:43am – CRAP!

i hustled Sydney (who was in a surprisingly good mood despite having been awake for a 2 hour stretch in the middle of the night) out of the bed but she was slow moving (she gets that from her daddy!) – Myles was in a good mood too which meant he wanted to sit and play on the potty instead of taking care of business – 15 minutes later …

Sydney and Myles were both dressed (but still needed their hair done), i was in the kitchen making Sydney’s lunch and trying to figure out if i had enough time to jump in the shower before we left – normally if i need to take a shower, i can put the kids in front of the tv and be in and out of the shower in 5 minutes – but i have a hard and fast rule about no tv before school – it’s one of my few “hard core” rules and since i still hadn’t found Sydney’s school folder, it was looking less and less likely that water would be touching my body

can someone explain to me why my child would completely unpack her school backpack and scatter the contents across her bedroom when that backpack is used ONLY for school – and an even better question would be why didn’t her rock star mother check to make sure the backpack was ready for school the night BEFORE??  have you heard that saying, “a lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine”? – well, it was running through my mind as i searched frantically for her folder and then it occurred to me that the lack of planning and emergency were both on me – this is NOT what Charlie Sheen would refer to as “WINNING”

by this time it was 8:22am and i decided to forgo the folder in favor of hair – i had to chase Myles through the house with the spray bottle (his hair is short enough to spray down) and then wet Sydney’s down (which has to be done in the tub because she SHOULD shower in the morning) and 5 minutes later they were both presentable – i, on the other hand …

i ran into my bedroom and threw on cargo pants and a long sleeved t-shirt – i threw on my Uggs and tied my mop of a hair into a bun – i brushed my teeth as i ran through the house again looking for that damn yellow folder – i still couldn’t find it and it occurred to me that it may have gone out with the recycling – i told the kids to grab their stuff and head to the car and decided to check the stack of paper in Sydney’s room one.last.time.  SUCCESS!!  ”I FOUND IT!”, i yelled to Sydney – she did a mini celebration dance as i ushered her out the door and we were off

i planned to weigh in at Watch Watchers after i dropped Sydney at school and i was sitting in front of thebuilding when i remembered i’d left it on the dining room table – that threw a wrench in my plans because i had also planned to look for new coats for the kids – instead, Myles and i went home and i had a minor panic attack when my wallet wasn’t on the table – turns out, i had put it in the console of the car when i went to Walmart last night – so it had been with me after all – ugh.

despite having time to get a few things done at home, i still hadn’t taken a shower – i’m okay with leaving Sydney to supervise for a few minutes but Myles is still too young to leave unattended – so instead of taking a shower, i snuggled with my boy and watched Blues Clues (which let’s face it – WAY better than a shower!) – we left early to run a few errands before we picked up Sydney and when i put them down for a nap, i fell asleep too – by the time i woke up, it was time to get dinner started and taking a shower was no longer on the to do list – because i’d still have to take another one in the morning and that would be a waste – after all – we’re in the middle of a drought, right?  but here’s hoping i’ll get one today!